StealthyCoder

I love watching this movie. It is in one on my list of movies that I can repeat watch endlessly. I recently figured out why that is. After watching it for the n-th time I suddenly realized something.

It was some time ago I last watched it. Maybe a couple of years. That is a long time for me to not watch the movie. Usually I at least watch it once a year, sometimes multiple times. Even though I know exactly how the movie goes, and it does not really hold surprises for me I somehow found myself to be surprised this final viewing.

It starts of gently like it is a dream. The recurring day. It feels slightly odd. Then it happens again, and again, and you feel like you are slowly losing yourself. Then comes the phase where you do bad things, vices, since there are supposedly no consequences. So what does it matter if you do bad things, the next day you will not have to face them. You self indulge and eat way too much. You try to pretend it all is okay and happy. You learn the names of people around you and some tidbits but you are not really invested. Then finally you start to go after the one thing you think will make you happy, but it is forced. It is not natural because the problem is still not being dealt with. After resigning that avenue you focus on yourself. Spend time to improve skills you like and love. You do things that genuinely is about trying to make connections to others, mainly though just to be there for other people. This is a key factor of the movie. At this point the main character is complete, gets to spend the night with the woman of his dreams and he figures it is only for that one night. Resigned to that. The next day is finally the next day.

All of this is what depression is like. This movie is a great visual representation and telling of how depression works, acts and feels like. It luckily also presents a potential solution. Namely doing things for others. Being there for other people can help to get you out, as well as doing things that bring you joy. Just think of things that you like. Take some time without distraction. No social media, no messaging, no Discord, no twitch.tv, no Reddit, and just sit alone with your thoughts for a bit.

Then think about a period where you did not have access to anything but a few select items for let's say ten days. What do you like to do? What movies will you want to watch, what books might you read, what foods will you eat, what drinks will you imbibe, what games will you play, and what music will you listen to? What brings you joy every time you do it? What is something you will do every day? What are things you will do at the beginning and what at the end? If you wanted company, who do you wish would be there or would pay a short visit? These things make you you at this point in time. It is always good to revisit this once in a while maybe something changed, maybe not.

This too is a great start to get out of depression and find the things in your life again that hold value and give you value.